Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
