TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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