can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
