I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
