So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
