I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
