i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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