BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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