And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize