my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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