I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
