He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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