lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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