thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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