we're blogging at a bar
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
