I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
