I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
