they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
