Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
