i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
