Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
