dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We have so much sex to catch up on
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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