Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
3pm strippers are depressing
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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