No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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