But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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