I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
