Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
