gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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