He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
