Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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