I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
