the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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