your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
