Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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