Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You can't special order awesome
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Send help, water and tortillas.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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