My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
