i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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