cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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