Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
