People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
