The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
