i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
