the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
