I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
