i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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