you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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