i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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