Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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