are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
