soooo we both peed the bed last night...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
