Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this will be a night to untag.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
