This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
