plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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