i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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