I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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