Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
