put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
