Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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