Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
