capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
