Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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