My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dignity is for republicans.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
