Quick, to the slutcave!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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