Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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