I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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