Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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