Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
