i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I enjoy the company of your penis
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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