Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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